do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize