You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
