Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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