I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize