I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
