all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
