He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
