so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
