apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
