So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
