Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
