what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Everclear isn't food dammit
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
