Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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