Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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