yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
