Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
