I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize