What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize