the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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