It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
