This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
