i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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