Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
