i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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