If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
