I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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