so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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