dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
