Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
