Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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