You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
