So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
