Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
