How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
