i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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