dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
