I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
