I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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