3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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