Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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