This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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