R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
