I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
