So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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