I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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