I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize