Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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