Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
