I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
