mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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