There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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