Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
