Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
