so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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