he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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