Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
