Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
