you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
