Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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