bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize