I just cut my nipple shaving
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
