Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
