Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
